Something That's Broken Can't Be Repaired
by Silver Soul Black Heart
Summary: \\Blood. With each step she took, every movement, it hit the ground. It followed her, leaving a trail behind. A trail that she couldn't cover up. But she didn't care. She just wanted to get away./ RATED M: Rape. Semi-Dark til Dark. Read at own Risk. Now Multi-Chap.
1. Clary

_**I don't own Mortal Instruments. Cassandra Clare does.**_

_**This is Dark. And rated M so go away if you don't feel comfortable.**_

_**Read at own risk.**_

* * *

Blood.

With each step she took, every movement, it hit the ground.

It followed her, leaving a trail behind. A trail that she couldn't cover up. But she didn't care. She just wanted to get away.

She sat down in the bathroom, watching the blood hit the ground. It was like the ground called the crimson red. She watched and listened to the sound of it.

_Drip Drip Drip_

It hypnotized her, seeing the rhythm; the wound, blood, ground, wound, blood, ground...

It still wasn't enough. She grabbed her razor, covered in the blood, placed at her arm and slash. The rhythm became faster, but now she didn't let herself loose in the red of her body: she looked at her arm or more precisely, at the wounds she kept making. She felt herself getting dizzy, but she didn't care.

**_1 Cut for the false love._**

Nothing was worse than being used and thrown away, they say. No, she didn't believe what people said. Nothing was worse than what she had experienced.

Nothing was worse than being used and used all over again. Her father used her. And abused her. Even when there was nothing to use or abuse.

The love he showed wasn't real, it was false. He didn't love her because she was part of him and his wife. He didn't love her because she was his daughter. He didn't love her for her body.

He loved her for the satisfaction she gave him unwillingly.

* * *

_"Clarissa! Come here." Valentine screamed for his 15-year old daughter. He was in his chamber ready to go sleeping._

_"Yes Father?" she asked looking nervous. She knew she did something wrong; She lied towards her parents because she wanted to go out with her boyfriend. It was not a little lie._

_"What did your Mother and I told you about lying." He asked calm. Never a good sign, she thought. It's like sun before the rain. What she did didn't know was that her mother had a night shift and that there was a sleepover with the friends of her brother's.. They were the only ones in the house and He took advantage of that fact.  
_

_"It is not tolerated in this house, I know I know bu-" She started but was cut of by him._

_"But what Clarissa? But I wanted to fuck my boyfriend? Because I was a whore?" His voice becoming louder and louder, he saw the way that they looked at each other, the boy looked like whatever she did, it would give him satisfaction. The satisfaction she should give him!_

_"We didn't do anything! I'm not a whore! I'm still a V-" But she didn't finish that. Her throat was cut of by his big hands. He slapped her._

_"Oh you're still a virgin. Then this will be even better." He said pushing her on the bed. When she start struggling he would kick her. He holds her wrist in an iron grip with only one hand. With the other her started to undress her. First her jacket, second her t-shirt, third her shorts, last her underwear._

_"Father! Stop!" She had tears streaming down her face while screaming at her dad._

_"Shut up! we're not even started and you're already screaming!" with those words he took of his pants and underwear._

_"Fat-" But she cut herself off with a scream as Valentine pushed himself inside her. _

_It was the first of many. She lost her virginity to her Father. No not her Father, she lost it to Valentine because after what happened she didn't saw the stern yet protective father she saw his true kind, so she started with his true name._

* * *

**_1 Cut for not being good enough._**

Whatever she did, it was never good enough.

She did everything in her power to let her parents stop arguing.

Everything a parent could ever want from her daughter. She even did it towards Valentine. He used to be the only thing that her Mother would smile about.

But it appears she wasn't good enough for her Mother, she wasn't good enough as a daughter.

* * *

_"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" Valentine screamed at Mother. Neither of them knew the presence of 16-year old Clarissa._

_"Jocelyn Fairchild!" She said her maiden name instead of his last name._

_"No, you're Jocelyn Morgenstern and you belong to me!" _

_"I'm no ones property! Not yours, not any bodies!" She yelled back. _

_"Even not from Garroway?! Yeah, I saw you sneaking back home late a week ago!" She was lost for words a couple of seconds but she put herself together and spoke,_

_"I'm property of those who love me and those who I love. Not yours." She went to the living room and took a bunch of papers._

_"Sign this!" She demanded. It were __divorce papers: Why Mother? Valentine used to be the reason of your smile?! She wanted to scream._

_"What kind of mother are you? You leave your two precious children behind for one man." He tried to put guilt on her so she would stay._

_"With him I would have better children. Not a daughter who disobeys me, she won't be arguing with her brother!" She said while holding a hand on her stomach. It went unnoticed by Valentine but Clary saw it. She would be replaced. She wasn't good enough. Not good enough for her mother. No, not her Mother, she wasn't good enough for Jocelyn. That same day Jocelyn walked out with two bags of clothes._

* * *

**_1 Cut for trusting._**

She still couldn't believe it. Her friend that pushed her unknowing through hard times, the abuse, her annoying brother, the rape, the divorce...

She couldn't believe it, the one person she trusted was just playing a game and it started before she was ready to begin.

Her friend was a demon pretending to be an angel.

You know what's the worst of all? The demon won the game, It cheated its way to the top.

People were wrong. The good doesn't win from the evil. Evil is more powerful than one can imagine.

* * *

_"Did you hear about Clarissa the Freak?" Kaelie asked Isabelle. They were in the school's toilets adjusting their make-up._

_"I hear a lot of things. She still thinks I'm her BFF. Uggh, such a loser. When can I stop playing the game?" Isabelle asked her friends._

_"The day she learns to stop flirting with our boyfriends. Seriously you would think they would want; Hot sexy and Skinny with some brains. Not fat and dumb." Aline spoke for the first time in the conversation._

_"Oh, she's skinny." Isabelle said. "But the sick twisted way like she's on anorexia or something." They laughed at those words._

_"But serious now, how can she get the attention of our boys!" Kaelie exclaimed._

_"She's virgin duh!" Isabelle said. _

_"So..."_

_"The boys always try to be first to take someones virginity." Aline filled in for her lost friend._

_"I don't think she's a virgin." Kaelie surprisingly said._

_"Why?" _

_"I dare to bet that she's a prostitute." They all laughed at her. At Fray the Freak. The trio exited the toilets spreading the rumor of her being a prostitute.  
_

_But what they didn't know was, that their Freak of 16 was hiding in the toilets that day. Crying. But after the conversation she just heard, she cried even more._

* * *

**_1 Cut for the betrayal._**

One friend losing was almost breaking her, but she knew she had another friend. This friend was the one she knew since kindergarten before everything happened. He was the one that was standing there ready to catch the fallen girl.

He was the one that wasn't affected by the rumors. But she didn't see that he was ashamed of being her friend. She was a charity case to him. To make him look good.

She hadn't noticed it until that faithful day when he dropped her out of his arms. The day he went cheating on her with the enemy.

* * *

_"Hey Lewis. How was your gamersnight? Finally beaten Eric?" She asked him when she saw him. He was with his back turned to her. When he turned to see her she predicted something was going on._

_"Clary I didn't go to the Game night, I went to Izzy's." They were dating but she didn't know until then._

_"Why? We don't talk to Isabelle." Clarissa stopped talking to her after the conversation she eavesdropped in the toilets._

_"Well we weren't talking exactly..." He mumbled but she still heard it._

_"Oh.." She trailed of. She felt betrayed._

_"Yes and we didn't talk in the evening we did in the morning..." He waited a couple of minutes before continuing._

_"She said we had to stop seeing each other. I first said no but after some considering I realized..." He stopped to take a breath._

_"I realized you were just my charity case. All what I did I did it because I pity you. I realized that this friendship is more one-sided like you don't do anything for me. You don't come over, you never listened to my friends, never even played a game with me. All you ever do is complaining. And-" _

_"You're really doing this.." She whispered. It was her greatest fear losing someone who is close to her._

_"Yeah, I can't live a life where all I hear is 'Look there's freaky's friend.' 'And why do you even stay by her, Oh yeah that's right because you are also a freak an-"_

_"So this is all for your reputation." She asked her voice still weak.  
_

_"No I'm doing this for myself. and you should be happy I don't tell anyone what's happening at home. Well that is for as long you stay away from me." He threatened with her darkest secret. Her friend since Kindergarten dropped her for a girl who was on her feet already walking away from him._

* * *

_**1 Cut for being stupid.**_

She was stupid thinking he would believe her. Her brother didn't believe what she said.

She was on the verge of breaking and she needed a ground to collapse on, so she turned toward her only hope; Her brother.

He could be annoying, stupid and a bully. But she thought he could care, that he would care. She knew he cared for his girlfriends.

She couldn't keep it all to herself, she told him. He didn't believe in her. But who would?

* * *

_It was late in the evening when she looked for hope. Valentine was away. She was alone with her brother. _

_'knock knock' She knocked on his bedroom, nervous about what's going to happen._

_"Come in." He looked like he expected someone to come over._

_"Since when do you knock on my door?" He said sarcastically._

_"Only when I'm nervous." she admitted to him._

_"Why are you nervous?" He asked._

_"I have to tell you something..." She trailed off._

_He groaned. "Don't tell me you're pregnant by your boyfriend and that I have to announce it to Dad!" He warns. He didn't even notice that he broke up with her after the rumors and that was more than a year ago.  
_

_"No, it's over for a long time." She announced to him._

_"Why did you come than?" _

_She said everything that she could say without crying. When a tear escaped, the others followed soon but that didn't stop her from telling. _

_She didn't look up until the end and when she did, she saw that he looked disgusted and she didn't look further on his face. She thought it was because what happened with Valentine but that changed the moment his lips formed words._

_"You. Are. Crazy." He said inhaling air between the words. Now she looked for more emotions and saw the one emotion she was scared of. Disbelief.__  
_

_"Bb-bbu-" She was stopped by the words of her brother._

_"Izzy was right, you're an attention seeking bitch!" He yelled. She saw him take breath for another insult, but right then, the doorbell went. He went out his room without looking to her and yelled behind his shoulder._

_"Out my room, bitch!" With the conversation fresh in her memory, she went to her room. She collapsed on her bed and the tears were streaming down her cheeks, they were for the words he yelled to her, for the happening that occurs every night, but mostly for being stupid that anyone would believe her._

_"hihhih" She heard giggling. Normally she didn't pay attention to who her brother brought home, but it sounded familiar so she looked outside her room and saw the black hair._

_Isabelle had her claws in her best friend and her brother_

* * *

**_1 Cut for being naïve._**

He was like an angel to her. He picked her up from the place she fell and held her in his arms. He cared for her.

Or so she thought.

He was like everyone else but still she fell for him. For his charms, for his jokes, for seeming not to care for the rumors, for just him. Non more non less.

She should have know he wanted something from her. He was like everyone else like we said.

But it were the moments that would make her happy. When she met him, she was already cutting her skin but less deep and also less times.

She still remembered when she met him.

* * *

_"Jonathan Wayland." The teacher introduced him the the class. _

_She was sitting on the third of the six line sitting alone on the right. Close enough for the teacher to see when Isabelle decides to torture her. Far enough to avoid the questions of her teacher. She didn't look up from her drawing._

_"Go sit there." It was then she looked up. She knew there were 36 seats and 35 were used of them. Only one place available, the seat next to her. _

_While he walked towards her she put her drawing away. When she looked back up he was standing right before her_

_"Hey," He shot her a smile, she bet he expected her to fall in his arms, that didn't happen. "I'm Jace."_

_"Clarissa Fray." She responded. Not the reaction he expected from her oblivious. He expected her to give him her number._

_"So Clary..."_

_"My name is Clarissa..." I said._

_"No, that name is way to long for the modern time! I'm going to call you Clary! and Clary w__ho are you in a battle with?" He asked her. _

_He laughed when he saw her froze._

_"Wh-What d-do you mean." Her voice turned steady at the end. 'Could he know?' She thought panicked_

_"Well your last name is Fray and a synonym for that words is a battle or combat if you use it as noun. And admit everyone is fighting something..." He trailed of waiting for an answer._

_"Well.. I think... I think...that.. I'm fighting myself?..." And with her answer, silence followed. It was funny this was the first time someone asked her something and the first she answered truthfully._

* * *

She still remembered how he would stand up for her.

* * *

_"Look the bitch is here again." Isabelle and her crew laughed at her. She was on the verge of crying. _

_They had called her names. Had made up rumors. Laughed at her. But now what they did was awful._

_On her locker they hang up a mirror. On that mirror there were all words written down on in all other handwriting, all of those words were insults._

_"Ow Is wittle waby gonna wry?" Kaelie teased her. Clary never cried in front of her bullies. It's the number one rule of live; never show weakness._

_Jace was just around the corner when he heard what Kaelie said. He looked at her, Isabelle and Aline and then at the mirror._

_'KRACK' Echoed trough the halls._

_"There the mirror is broken so the insults are broken, and something that's broken is not something you can use. Something that's broken can't be repaired, am I right or am I right?" Jace, who broke the mirror, said. He placed his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. They walked away. She with a smile on her face, she had a friend again._

* * *

She stopped cutting since that day, after 3 or 4 days later he asked her out.

She still remembered how he asked her out.

* * *

_"Hey Clary." He said when he took his seat besides her. She looked up from her drawing to see him. He was as breath taking like always. Golden curls with some dark-gold. Honey-colored eyes that looked as deep as the sea. She gets always lost in them. He has a tanned skin with a muscular build. It was the guy every girl would dream off._

_While she stared at him he took her drawing._

_"Hey give that back!" She demanded him._

_"Hmm, you're getting better I have to admit. Do you need a nude model?" She shook my head. "Ow if you need one call me." He was trying to distract her from her drawing._

_"So still not going to give it back?" She asked._

_"Nope." So she spent the whole lesson trying to get it back. The second last lesson of the day she still didn't have it. This was the only lesson she didn't have him._

_After the lesson she went to the lockers only to find Jace standing there with her drawing._

_"Here."_

_"Don't tell me you drew over it."_

_"Wellllll..." He said trailing of. At that word she looked at the folded drawing and she unfolded it. It was her drawing perfectly intact. She turned the paper and saw in a curly handwriting; 'Would you like to go on a date with me?' Under the words he drew a little envelop with a seal. On the seal there was a J. presses._

_"Yes." She said without hesitation and threw her arms around him._

* * *

She let him in. He defeated the walls that were around her. There was were it went wrong.

She still remembered how it all fell apart, of course she would remember it! It happened this morning. It started good and ended badly.

* * *

_It was their 2 month anniversary and he took her on a date. It went amazing. The went picnicking under the moon with candles._

_Now they were right before his door from his dorm. Valentine went away for the weekend and she stayed with Jace. He still didn't know about the use and abuse from Valentine._

_He leaned in and she went up, their lips crashed together hungry._

_"Clare, I need you..." He said. They didn't do anything yet except cuddling._

_"Me too." He started pulling her clothes of and she did the same. He pushed her against the wall and after some making out he dragged her to bed._

_He was gently, he made love to her. He kissed her the whole time when she cried. The school still thought she was a virgin minus the ones who think she's a prostitute. Yes she was crying but not out pain, she was crying about how careful he was, how loving. She was crying of surprise that somebody wanted her._

_That night she said the words she thought she would never experience. __She decided she would give him a part that wasn't taken anymore from her. He retrieved it when she though she lost it. He retrieved the love she thought she had lost._

_"I love you.." And she fell asleep. He mumbled something and laughed a little. He said it back!, she went to sleep with that thought in her head._

_The next morning she though she would be woken up by the sunlight. But she was woken up by the phone. She didn't open her eyes, she wanted to sleep._

_"...worked. She fell in love." She heard and with her eyes still closed she listened to the conversation._

_"Yeah it was harder than usual. This one was a hard nut to crack let me tell you that." She felt how he sat on the mattress._

_"Tomorrow was the deal! you give me 15 bucks tomorrow; I succeeded." Please let it be someone else._

_"No I took Clarissa Fray's Virginity. So shut the fuck up!" She was worth 15 bucks. Was the first thought that went through her bed._

_"No I didn't fell for her! Who the hell do you think I am!?" He screamed through the phone. She decided that if she didn't 'wake up' after that it would be strange so she stirred a little._

_"She wakes up got to go." He whispered into the phone. The second thought; It was all a bet._

_"Hey beautiful." He whispered into my ear. Third thought; This is all fake. He never loved me._

_"How late is it." I questioned hoarse._

_"7.30." He said turning around to put the blankets on her. _

_"I'm going home." She announced and started to get dressed. He didn't even stop her. He let her go. He left her to cry there_

* * *

There were only two people who were left to care for her; Magnus and Alec

Magnus was there to talk. Alec was there to listen. But that only could happen if she wanted to burden them.

They were happy with each other. Each day she saw them together they were looking at each other like they fell all over again.

They knew a couple of things you just can't hide. They'll eventually knew about the divorce, about the bullying and Simon &amp; Isabelle's betrayal. But that was it.

They were the only two that cared for her.

All those things led her to this moment.

Before Jace;

2 people to care for her.

5 people to hurt her.

5 times of crying.

The 5 times + The 5 evil - The 2 good.

8 deep cuts. She lost a large amount of blood since she didn't let the wounds recover.

After Jace;

2 people to care for her.

6 people to hurt her.

7 times of crying.

3 destroying thoughts.

The 7 times + The 6 evil + 3 thoughts - The 2 good.

14 cuts. This time she lost more blood. Because she did the 14 everywhere on her body.

She placed the blade on the sink and walked towards the living room.

She took her favorite drawing she ever made. It was a girl falling into an endless ravine, she was wearing a black long dress that was flying around her. There were ribbons lose, they were flying around her. She turned it and took a pen.

_Valentine._

_Don't go to hell. I'm sure I'm going to there and I don't want to see you there._

_Jocelyn._

_I'm not sure you would ever see this but to let me have the satisfaction._

_Why was I not enough. I don't care you left Valentine but why wasn't I good enough to take along?_

_Isabelle._

_What did I ever do to you?_

_Simon._

_I hope your reputation was worth letting me fall._

_Jonathan._

_Through hard times siblings help each other. You could have helped me by believing._

_Jace._

_I loved you but I was not more than 15 bucks to you._

_Something that's broken can't be repaired, you're right._

_To everyone._

_I forgive you all but these were the last things I wanted to say._

_Magnus._

_You were there to talk. To give me rest when I was stressed._

_Alec._

_You were there to listen. I knew but I didn't took the opportunity. _

_Magnus and Alec._

_I'm sorry. I hope I burn in hell for bringing you this pain. I love you. Yes, present time because the present lasts longer then the past and future._

_You guys can have everything._

_Sorry I didn't want to burd-_

Further she couldn't go.

She fell dead on the floor. Not a single movement.

Before her lay her favorite drawing and her death note. While she wrote some blood fell on the paper.

It was sealed by blood.

Covered in a promise to love the ones who took care off her forever.

* * *

_**I can make a two-shot of it. Like the reactions and the answers from the others.**_


	2. Jonathan

_**Tomorrow I have my first exam... HELP ME OUT OF THIS HELL!.. Okay *clears her throat* **_

_**Moving on, I'll make it a multi chap but I will not do everyone's reactions... like I won't do Valentine's reaction**_

_**And also it won't be in the order of the last chap.**_

* * *

It was Jonathan, her brother, who found her there.

He almost wet himself when he saw her.

She lay there on the ground.

Blood seeping out of her arms, legs, shoulders, everywhere she let the blade cross her skin.

In her left hand she held her death note, the right hand was left open, when she died the pen rolled out her hands.

He called 911 although he knew she would never breath again.

"Hello, what's your emergency?" The voice said.

"M-my s-sis-sister co-com-commi- kill-killed h-herself." He said with trembling words.

"Where are you know, sir?"

"H-hom-home."

"What's your address?" She asked softly. He answered.

"Will be arriving soon, sir."

He hung up after those words.

He slowly walked towards her lifeless body. He looked at her face that was slightly covered by her flaming red hair, her eyes and mouth were closed.

Guild overwhelmed him.

Something really wrong must have happened to push her to taking her life.

And not a second later he remembered the conversation he had with her a couple months ago.

Then he though back of the white paper covered in blood that was in her hand.

He slowly opened her hand and took the white covered red in his hands.

When he had it in his hand someone barged in the room and soon others followed. They were all screaming at each other but he didn't understand what was spoken. He just let his eyes look at paper. It was a drawing from a girl falling into the darkness of a ravine, her dress and her were flying around her while she tried to grab onto the air.

_That must be how she felt these last days. Falling into an endless hole._ He turned around the drawing to find the words that she would never speak but he could only see a couple of words through the tears that were escaping from his eyes.

_Siblings. Help. Believing._

When he tried to wipe the tears away he saw that the people were leaving to go to the hospital

"We have to take her to the hospital to investigate her." He demanded to go along with them. He wanted to be with his sister to make up for all the times he wasn't there. He didn't know how it happened, as children they were so close.

* * *

_"Higher! Higher!" Little Clary screamed to her 9-year old big brother. He was pushing the swing. She was wearing a white sunshine dress, and her hair was in two piggy-tails. It looked cute, thoughtJonathan. It was almost magical, seeing her eyes shine brighter each push._

_"Your wish is my command!" And he pushed her higher, amazed by the big smile, and the light in her eyes. She loved the swing, especially when he pushed her._

_"Come on Johnny! You can do better!" She said, aching to go higher. At the time she believed how higher she'd go, how closer she'd be to heaven.  
_

_"Don't call me Johnny, you strawberry!" Nonetheless he pushed harder. Too hard, he realized when he heard her scream the moment she touched the ground._

_"Everything okay? Clare-Bear?" He asked concerned, helping her up. She had glassy eyes, and a pout._

_"My knee hurts!" She whines. He set her on the swing and looked at her knee. Just a flesh wound. _

_"Come, we'll go nurse it." _

_"But it hurts!" _

_"Yes, now we'll go make it better!" _

_"Would you pwease-weasy cwarry me?" She asked, pouting, and doing puppy-eyes. She may be 4, she knew how to wind her brother around her finger._

_"Of course, Clare-Bear." He took her in his arms, and went to the house._

_"Mom! Mom!" He screamed only to find a small letter on the table_

_We're home in 10 minutes._

_Love, Mom and Dad._

_"Well looks like I'm gonna nurse you." He said to her, as he placed her on a chair._

_"Do you know how to do that?" She asked curiously._

_"Yes, I'm a boy, I fall so many times. I've seen mom do it several times." He explained, while searching the drawers for a first-aid kit. _

_"Aha! Found it" He exclaimed, proudly holding it above his head. He laid it down on the table, and opened it. He took some cottonwool and desinfector._

_"Clare-Bear this will sting a little." She closed her eyes like she was going to something extremely painful. It was cute how she closed her eyes not wanting to see it._

_"Aww It hurts!" Jonathan chuckled at her. The older version from him will probably say something like 'Grow up, Cry-Baby!' But Jonathan wasn't so bitter at the time he only said._

_"It first has to go worse to turn better." _

_"That doesn't make sense, and you know that." Clary glared at her brother when he chuckled.  
_

_"Sorry you're just too cute to be normal." He took a plaster and placed it on her knee._

_"Here you go." She hesitated before she jumped of the chair. She looked at it and when she looked up to her brother she said;_

_"Thanks Johnny, you're the best big brother I know!" She kissed him on the cheek and ran towards the swing._

_"I'm the only brother you have." He screamed after her._

_"Are you coming or what?" She screamed at him. He shook his head before running after his little sister._

* * *

_'You're the best big brother..." _

It echoed through his head. He wasn't. He wanted to be but he wasn't nor will he ever be.

He was too selfish for that. He abandoned her, let her fall into a bottomless hole.

He hated himself for it.

_Through hard times siblings help each other. You could have helped me by believing._

He should have believed her when he had the chance. He should have listened to her when he had the chance.

_Don't wait for second chances, take the first chance you have. It might be the only one you'll get._


	3. Simon

_How could I be so stupid? _

Was the only thing hat rang through Simon's head, the second he heard the 3 horrible words coming out of his best friend's brother;

_She is dead._

He couldn't hear Isabelle pleading to speak to her, he couldn't hear the screaming of his once best friend's brother, he couldn't feel the phone falling out of his hand, he was just numb.

The only thing he could feel was reality punching him in the face.

The merciless power of reality pushing him in a hole, where he let his best friend fall out his arms after catching her so many times.

The only difference was when he let her fall into it, there was no ground. He let her fall knowing nobody would catch her.

He didn't let her fall into it, because she was a burden too heavy to carry, he let her fall so he could catch a girl who wasn't falling.

He came out his frozen state and turned around, meeting the eyes of the one girl he listened to, and realized; she was the devil whispering in his ear.

* * *

_Slowly he opened his eyes, looking at the girl snoring in his arms. The long black hair spread over the pillow, her blue eyes closed, her face was relaxed._

_This was the girl he used to know. Not the one who always bullied his best friend, not the one who spread nasty rumors, not the bitch she was on school._

_She slowly opened her eyes and looked straight into his. She had a strange glint in her eye, as if she was about to start a master plan, and we'd only know after it happened, what the consequences were._

_"Where does she think you are?" She asked slowly going to her closet._

_"By Eric, gaming." He answered confused why she was getting up and not staying in bed._

_"What a fool." She whispered under her breath but he still heard it._

_"What?" This couldn't be the girl that helped Clary._

_"It's just that's such is such a loser." It was like he was in one of those movies, and he was talking a dumb bimbo._

_"And the only thing that she does is bring you down! I mean look at you. You could be totally the school's hottie. If only you would dump her. And wear contacts. And go shopping with me. And-" She would have gone further if he didn't stop her._

_"We're talking about __Clary __here,__ right? Not about me being nerdy."_

_"Yeah, but please think about it. What do you hear when you come inside of school?" He thought about it most names where about Clary ,and he only got bullied because he talked to her._

_"Yeah bu-" _

_"No buts, who does most of the homework if it's a partner work?" She asked. That has another reason you'll never know._

_"Doesn't mea-" _

_"Okay this is my last argument. Who would you choose; Me or Her? A exotic girl with the power of the school in her hands or walking next to somebody sharing her insults, and someone who's dragging you down. Your choice." And she went out the door leaving him with his thoughts. _

* * *

The one girl making him forget about his true friend.

He opened his mouth ready to say something, to scream at her, to yell, to curse, to cry, to throw insults, to cry out;

"_This is your fault." _

But once again he stood frozen.

The reason he didn't speak was because he knew it wouldn't be the complete truth.

_...I realized you were just my charity case..._

Charity Case. How could he even think that? He always thought that it was the other way around. She was the one think that kept him moving on through the beginning of his years at kindergarten, at primary school, at secondairy school, it was his last year and he knew she would be there for him in the university.

Well, she would be if he didn't push her away, if he didn't let himself be corrupted by the she-devil, if he didn't let her fall.

_...this friendship is more one-sided, like you don't do anything for me..._

She didn't do anything for him? She helped him through hard times when he knew she had harder ones, She helped him wherever she could. She went to his concerts, when he knew his band sucked, she came along to all the poetry from his friend, even though she hated poetry.

_...you should be happy I don't tell anyone what happening at home. Well that is for as long you stay away from me..._

Weak. Low. Loser. He wasn't any better than those who bullied them, he wasn't better than her father. Perhaps he didn't hurt her physically, he hurt her emotionally. She told her all her secrets in full trust, and he used them against her.

Every secret she told,

Every gaze they met,

Every word he said,

Every thought they shared,

Every idea they created,

Every memory he remembered,

Every word the she-devil whispered,

Every morning they greeted,

Every minute they spent together,

It flashed through his mind as he fell onto his knees.

He couldn't believe it. It was all gone, She was gone.

There is nothing worse than to feel the realization of your actions.

He finally took the phone and listened to the hoarse voice of what was once his best friend's brother.

_"She left something for all of us." _

He didn't have to say who were 'us'. It was clear. All the people who she thought she could trust, she thought she could rely on.

One by one they broke her trust. He desperately wanted to say 'I didn't' but he was one of the most trusted people and he betrayed her, left her in the dust, left to cry there.

He turned his back the moment she needed him.

Every time she begged him to help her, and he just ignored her.

All those times he didn't even had to blink and she stood there ready to take over the heavy weight of his shoulders.

_"Come here, this is something personal."_

And he hung up.

The guilty and hoarse voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

The devil had her arms around him, she held on to him as if she was begging for a steady rock. He pulled her arms away from him and looked him straight in the eyes.

"You have no right to embrace me, and asking for strength, she needed it more. You made me leave her."

His voice sounded inhuman to him. Not like the warmth it held when he talked to her. It was like all the warmth died together with her..

He arrived at the hospital, and saw him sitting there. Head down, eyes closed, utterly defeated.

An in-blood-covered-paper between his hands. He held it, as if his life depended on.

The moment Jonathan heard the footsteps, he looked up and held the paper, if possible, even tighter.

"Here." He said completely devastated.

He took it and looked at the text on it.

_I hope your reputation was worth letting me fall. _

She was an extraordinary person. If she looked straight into your eyes, it felt like she watched your soul unravel all its secrets, but no, she looked you in the eye to see if you spoke the truth.

If she was utterly devastated she didn't let you know unless you looked her straight in the eyes and let her speak. But nobody let her speak, she was always the audience. She was always silent, only observing.

He remembered her saying;

_'You need to be Silent to Listen. Open your Ghost Hut of Thoughts before opening your mouth. A couple of Words can feel like a cut from a Sword. The Lies one person told are larger than the largest Isle of the world so speak the truth. Rather have a Hater than someone without a Heart.'_

It were strange sentences, but at the end, he realized the most keywords had the same letters.

Silent and Listen

Ghost Hut and Thoughts

Words and Sword

Lies and Isle

Hater and Heart

That day she didn't only learn him to think before he talked, she learned him that one thing can change into another. Not everything stays the same. And sometimes the word didn't change, just the meaning of it.

He held onto the thought of Isabelle like she was, but only now he knew who she is.

_Maybe people do change._

_Maybe they don't, you just never got to see their real face._


	4. Alec

_**All of you will hate me, because I didn't write Jace or Isabelle.**_

_**I'm from Belgium and in my country is high school done when you're 18**_

_**here are all the ages of the persons;**_

_**Clary, 18 (deceased)**_

_**Jace, 18**_

_**Isabelle 18**_

_**Simon, 18**_

_**Alec, 21**_

_**Magnus, 22**_

_**Jonathan, 23**_

* * *

To him she was a sister.

Not the lying, betraying, fake one he had.

But the one who was like a little Angel.

She was like a bundle of light when he first met her.

He was in a dark time.

His parents didn't accept his sexuality.

His sister teased him about it.

He changed school 3 times before he went to hers, all because his 'sister' couldn't keep his secret.

His sister wasn't even in his schools. Once in a while she came to his school to hang around the boys.

She told the secret, he was kicked, laughed at, punched.

All those times he was bullied, came bruised home, punched, kicked, his parents didn't care.

He remembered how he begged a million times to chang school again.

He remebered that the day he heard to which school he was going, thet his parents hated him.

They had sent her to the school the she-devil went.

But if he didn't went there, he would never met her.

* * *

_He came into the school one month later than the usual, in October._

_On the first day of school his only thought was_

_'One year, One year and I can go away, live on my own. Not care about my parents. Than School will be done and I will have my freedom'_

_He was just entering, went to his locker, left to search his way, even if it was too early._

_While he looked at the plan, someone tapped his shoulder. It was a small girl with flaming red, she was wearing a black pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt._

_"Hey, I saw that you are new, and wondered if you wanted a tour?" _

_He didn't see the bruises on her neck, he didn't see that depressed look in her eyes. He only saw her smile. It looked forced but also real._

_"Yeah, thanks!"_

_"I'm Clarissa Fray, and you?" The fragile girl asked._

_"I'm Alexander Lightwood." He hoped that the girl didn't know his sister._

_"Oh, the brother from Izzy? I'm her best friend! She told me once that she had a brother, but didn't tell his name." She said. So she didn't tell her about his sexuality? He was relieved, but scared. _

_She could easily threaten him, with his secret._

_During the tour, she kept asking him questions. They weren't annoying ones, she was just keeping the conversation going. _

_He told her almost everything, he could swear she knew everything about him, but at the end he knew nothing about her._

_"Why do you let me talk? Why don't you talk about yourself?" He asked out of curiosity._

_"You want to know the reason I went to you? I saw that look in your eyes. The look that showed that you were alone, afraid, sad. I know that look, it is the look of someone that doesn't want the attention, but at the same time he wants some of it. He wants that someone listens to him."  
_

_He stopped walking and looked at her. It was like she could see right through him._

_"I realized you were like that. Always letting somebody talk, but you never speak. You confirmed my suspicion as soon you answered my first question. So I gave you the spotlight. Don't let yourself drown in your selflessness, others may think you're an hero but you're only hurting yourself." She advised_

_"But isn't that the faith of an hero? Saving others, but suffering while doing it?"_

_"Who says you have to be a hero? A hero is selfless, but suffers and worries. He has to think about the people first. A villain is selfish, but free of worries. He only thinks of himself. Why can't you be a little bit of both? Helping other while having some attention?" _

_It weren't the words that hit him, it was the look in her eyes. But before he could reply his sister came to them._

_"Hey Clary! I see you've met my brother!" She said eyeing her brother._

_"Yeah he is really nice!" She replied.  
_

_"Yeah, I bet he would get thousands of girls wasn't it for the fact that he is gay." There it was, Isabelle ruining another opportunity to have friends._

_He expected Clary to gasp, to insult him, to slap him. To do something all the others did. But instead she didn't look shocked._

_"Hello Clary, didn't you hear my brother is Gay!" She repeated looking at Clary. Waiting for a response._

_"So? What's wrong with that?" She asked her. Did he hear that right? She wasn't disgusted?_

_"Uhm... I've got to go." His sister ran off._

_"Why didn't you look shocked?" He asked her after a couple moments of silence. This question contained another question in it, 'Why aren't you disgusted?'_

_"We walked through the halls with the prettiest girls in it, and you did not look once. When guys passed, you didn't look them in the eye; you looked at the ground. My mother has a friend whose son is homosexual. We are friends since birth. We mostly SMS. We see each other every 3th friday of the month. You want to come along next week?" She explained._

_"Uhm..." He __hesitated, not because she found her weird, or didn't want to hang around her. It was because he didn't think he should interrupt these meetings._

_"It won't be a problem." She said to convince him._

_The bell rang. She walked away, until some point she turned around , and looked him in the eye._

_"Don't be ashamed of it. It really doesn't matter if you love girls or guys. Don't lie when you want to befriend someone, just so he would like you. If he doesn't like you, than don't be his friend. He/she doesn't deserve you if you can't be really you. And when you find someone else than me to befriend, don't be a hero, but don't be a villain too, be a good person."_

_And she walked away, turned left, and out of his sight._

_It was that moment he realized that, that little girl._

_That girl, with a black pants, and a long-sleeved T-shirt wasn't as plain as her clothing style._

_She was the hero of his story._

_That day, he met a friend._

_The friend didn't care about his sexuality, let him speak, listened to him, was nice and defended him._

_The name of that friend was Clarissa Fray._

* * *

The next Friday she introduced him to her homosexual friend since birth; Magnus Bane.

She cared about him when his parents didn't. When he was bruised he would call Clary.

Together they would go to Magnus' penthouse. There she treated the wounds and bruises. There he would be selfish and talk while she listened.

Always after every talk he would say

_Stay away from Isabelle_

She would stay silent. He knew she wouldn't ignore him, but he also knew she wouldn't choose between 2 friends.

Unfortunately faith decided for her.

It choose Alec, and revealed Isabelle's true kind to Clary. The day in the girl's bathroom she understood what Alec meant.

After school they went to Magnus' penthouse. Alec knew something was wrong. He and Magnus asked her, she answered honest.

The first time the asked, she told them about the divorce.

The second time they asked, she told them about the bullying.

The third time they asked, she told them about Simon and Isabelle.

She was the one you would go to, when you searched understanding.

She was the one who would answer honest, when you asked her.

She was the one who would help you, when you fell.

She was the one who came to his graduation, even when he didn't ask for it.

She was 15 when he graduated.

From all the person he knew she was the purist.

From all the people he knew, she was the one he would go to.

From all the people he knew, she was the one who died.

_Why?_

Was the only thing that rang through his mind as he and Magnus went into the car.

_Why her?_

As they passed a red-light.

_Why, the one person who was there for me?_

As they parked in front of the hospital.

He went to the reception, and demanded to see the body.

He wanted to see the proof that this was real. He didn't want to believe that his sister was dead.

They let him in, while Magnus stayed, waiting for him.

There she lay, a white blanket covering her privet parts. Her arms and leg were naked. Her face revealed.

He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it.

She was covered with scars, old and new.

Her eyes were closed.

Never would he see those emerald green, the ones who never showed judgement.

They only showed kindness and intelligence.

Her lips were closed,

Never would they open to calm him down.

Never would they encourage him.

Never would they smile at him in pride, in happiness.

Never would they form words. Never would those words let him think about the simplest things. She always let him use his brain.

She was the one person who he looked up to.

She was the one person who understood him.

And suddenly he went numb.

He fell onto his knees, hand on his thighs.

Water fell on his hands. His tears come down as he yelled.

_WHY?!_

He stayed a couple minutes and went back to Magnus.

Magnus waited for him.

Together they went to the large waiting room.

He saw them.

The brother, the best-friend, the she-devil.

One yelling in a whisper, one crying a river, one frozen as ice.

When he saw them he wanted to punch them, to yell at them, to scream, to cry out

_YOUR FAULT!_

But he saw something in the hands of the best-friend.

It was a drawing from his Angel.

A girl falling into a bottomless pit. Her dress flying around her. Her hair covering her face.

He was filled by pride and sadness. Pride of how detailed the drawing was, sadness for how she felt.

He turned and saw his name standing twice in it.

The first time followed by a personal sentence;

_You were there to listen. I knew but I didn't took the opportunity._

He didn't know how to react.

The second time was a shared one with Magnus;

_I'm sorry. I hope I burn in hell for bringing you this pain._  
__

If there was one place she didn't fit, it was in the deepest pit of hell.

Heaven had to allow her, she was his Guardian Angel.

_I love you. Yes, present time because the present lasts longer then the past and future._

Her lips would never move again, but her words moved him. It was a typical Clary answer.

The present is the now, the past has passed, the future has yet to come.

So the one that would stay the longest would be the present. Every moment is now.

_You guys can have everything._

_Sorry I didn't want to burd-_

Once again he cried, he cried about what she wrote, or actually what she didn't.

She could never be a burden for him. She was the one thing he would hold up high, and carry till the world ended.

And once again she was the Hero of his story.

She let herself drown in her selflessness, being a hero, but she suffered while being it.

_Who says you have to be a hero?_

* * *

**_Be honest, do you like my writing style or can I improve? and when yes, say how, please? See ya later!_**


	5. Isabelle

It was a game to her.

Life was a game to her.

She could just do what she wanted.

The only thing she had to do, was play smart.

Choose a victim.

Search its weakness

Make it think that she is a friend.

Take it all away from it.

Take the friends.

Take the family.

Take the love.

Break it.

And win.

Clary was an exception.

In the beginning it was real.

Isabelle didn't pretend to be her friend.

It all changed when her brother came to her school.

When she was little she would always play the game against her brother.

He was such an easy victim.

He was afraid of only one thing.

His little sister.

She had all his secrets.

She would go to his school and spread his secrets.

He would go to another school. She would follow him.

She took away all his friends.

She took away the thrust he had in her, his family.

She took all the love he received.

She broke him. Or so she thought.

* * *

_It was her brother's first day on his new school. Her school._

_She was applying her make-up when she saw in the mirror of her locker her brother, and her best friend._

_Talking._

_Laughing._

_The perfect opportunity for a new round in the game._

_After all, they were in a new field, so a new level. New level, new round._

_Just like old times: Brother Vs. Sister._

_'Let the games begin.' She thought._

__"Hey Clary! I see you've met my brother!" Even though she said it against Clary, she was looking at him.__

__They had the same eyes yet they were different.__

____The eyes are the window to our soul, with him but not with her.____

____Her eyes didn't show it when she was afraid, when she was scared.____

____His eyes showed everything.____

__She loved that scared look in his blue eyes.__

__That look that begged her to not say anything.__

__That look who said a thousand unspoken words.__

__That look that hoped that she wouldn't tell.__

__"Yeah, he's really nice!" She responded.__

___"Yeah, I bet he would get thousands of girls wasn't it for the fact that he is gay." ___

___She loved how she saw the hope disappear from his eyes.  
___

___He turned his look away from her to Clary. ___

___She expected that Clary would run away, that she would scold him, or slap him across the face.___

___She didn't expect that she didn't even look fazed. Maybe she didn't hear her.___

____"Hello Clary, didn't you hear my brother is Gay!" She exclaimed, waiting for her to react like other did.____

____She forgot one thing, Clary isn't like the others.____

______"So? What's wrong with that?" She asked.______

______What was wrong with that is that she wouldn't win this round.______

______She would only see Alec gain friends, family, and love.______

______All those things she took away from him, she knew Clary would give back to him. Unknowingly.______

_______"Uhm... I've got to go." She said quickly._______

_______Alec had a new ally, had a new defense._______

_______Well like she said this was a new level, and she only saw one way to win._______

_______Break the defense to get to the base._______

* * *

She played it well.

She took the defense wall down brick by brick.

Fase 1.

Victim: Clarissa Fray.

Reason; befriending current victim

Fase 2.

Weakness: Love, Friends, etc...

Fase 3.

Befriending victim: Already set.

Fase 4

Part 1

Friends:

Isabelle: She went to the popular, befriending them, before breaking the friendship with Clary.  
so it would seem like she choose the popular above her.

Simon: It was so easy to fool Simon. She knew the way he looked at her. How when she walked in his attention shifted from Clary to her.  
She just had to use it. Convince him to leave Clary. Promising the better life.  
Deed was done.

Part 2

Family;

Jonathan (Brother): All men were the same. They want only one thing. She had it and wasn't afraid to use it. She had her claws in him since the moment she whispered his name.

Part 3

Love;

Jace: He only came in the came later, but he was useful. He seduced her, he let her think she was safe. She fell for him. But so did he.

* * *

_Her ringtone sounded through the house. She let it ring a couple times before she picked up._

_"Hello Jace, did you succeed?" She asked him._

_It was all set up, Jace was her cousin, she remembered him from a family party, and fortunately Alec didn't._

_She knew Jace was kicked out of his last school. She knew he would need the money of her parents, for a new school._

_He went to her school, and saw the opportunity. She threatened to tell everyone he was poor and ruin his image, he did anything she wanted._

_She asked him to sit next to Clarissa Fray._

_She asked him to stand up for her._

_She asked him to ask her out._

_She asked to take away her virginity._

_At first he protested but with each step he was more willing to do it._

_She thought it was because he finally realized she had the power._

_She was wrong._

__"It worked. She fell in love."__

__"Why did it take so long?" she snapped at him__

_"Yeah, it was harder than usual. This one was a hard nut to crack; let me tell you that." He said, voice filled with pride. He was proud that she finally let someone in, he really cared about her, but he had to seem strong in front of Isabelle._

_"It took you long enough, I won't tell my parents to cut you off, normally they will need a week." _

__"Tomorrow was the deal! you give me 15 bucks tomorrow; I succeeded." __

__"Yeah bravo, you succeeded in staying out of illegal trouble! yay! You only did legal stuff! Bravo!" She said sarcastic.__

_"No, I took Clarissa Fray's Virginity. So shut the fuck up!" He spoke a little louder. He wanted to scream at her for thinking that hurting Clary wasn't illegal._

_She detected something else in that sentence other than anger._

_"You fool! You fell for her, didn't you! Idiot was no the plan!" She screamed at him._

__"No, I didn't fell for her! Who the hell do you think I am!?" She could easily hear the lie in the sentence.__

__"Imagine that she was awake since the beginning of this conversation, and she heard everything only from your side, that she will think that she is worth 15 bucks. How would you f-" She would never know how close she was to the truth.  
__

_"She wakes up got to go." He whispered to her._

* * *

She was next to Simon when he heard his phone.

He picked up, and she heard the voice of Jonathan.

_"She is dead."_

He froze in place.

She saw the phone falling in slow-motion.

She felt her arms hug him.

She heard her voice pleading.

She tasted her tears, that were falling from her eyes into her pleading mouth.

At some point he turned towards her, and she looked in his eyes.

Normally his eyes were full of love and admiration.

Now they were filled with realization and disgust.

She saw how he opened his mouth to say something but after some time he closed it.

Again he didn't speak for some time, than he took the phone and she heard Jonathan's voice again.

_"She left something for all of us."_

"You have no right to embrace me, and asking for strength, she needed it more. You made me leave her."

His voice didn't have the warmth it held when he talked to her. It was as cold as a late December night. he took off without her.

When she arrived at the hospital, she heard a familiar voice scream out.

_WHY?!_

Normally she would be satisfied. She won.

But now she was disgusted by herself. She drove someone into the death.

Once she was inside of the waiting room, she saw Clary's brother yelling but his voice was so hoarse it sounded as whispering.

Simon was crying, there was no end. it hurt her to see him.

Alec and Magnus were crying, whispering, grieving for the one person who introduced them.

She saw her original victim clenching onto a note. She saw little bit of the drawing.

She carefully removed it from his hands. The drawing was beautiful, heart breaking, soul suffocating, and wonderful.

She never knew she could draw, she would always read, never draw.

She turned it around to see the note.

7 words.

26 characters.

It hit her hard.

_What did I ever do to you?_

Life was her twisted game.

It didn't matter what the other lost, the only thing that counted was that she would win.

Clary lost, and Isabelle won.

Clary lost her life. Isabelle won.

But what did she win?

Power?

Popularity?

Friends?

No, she won the feelings guilt, shame, and self-disgust.

She got what she wanted. She won, but was it worth the price?

Was it worth that someone died?

Was it worth all those days faking it?

Was it worth losing her friends?

Was it worth the pain she feels?

No.

Life could be a game.

Life could be something you can play with.

Nobody knew for sure, but everybody knew that life has its own rules.

Except Isabelle.

She thought that she was the master of it.

She thought that she controlled it.

She thought that the others were puppets.

She thought that she could play with life

She thought that they would do what she wanted, whenever she wanted.

She thought that it wouldn't cause any harm.

She thought wrong.

Life isn't some chessboard.

Life isn't something you can choose.

She was the queen and had the most power, but in the end it didn't matter if she died.

After all the king was more important.

The pions weren't fighting for her, they were fighting for the king.

In the end it was Clary, she was the king.

The king might be dead, but the game was over.

But it couldn't restart, one side had lost their king.

_A chess player always claims he had a winning position after he has lost the game._


	6. Jace

_He woke up to the sweet smell of pancakes in the early morning._

_He got up and followed his nose to the cause of it. There she was, standing right in front of the kitchen plate. _

_She was humming to herself. It sounded like a lullaby. It sounded like the beginning of hope._

_He crept silently closer to her and attacked. _

_"Jace! Stop! That tickles!" He removed her hair from her shoulder and kissed her neck softly. It was like he was afraid she would break._

_"Jace, at least eat your pancakes!" _

_"But I'm hungry for something else." He whispered closely to her ear._

_She turned around in his arms and held a finger in front of his awaiting lips._

_"No, not in front of Alexis." _

_"Who?" He frowned. They didn't invite anyone to this house._

_Wait this house? Whose house was this?_

_"Our daughter of course! Don't you remember her? She's sleeping there in the corner." She said amused. The baby started crying. _

_Baby? Daughter?_

_He looked more closely to Clary. Suddenly this perfect world fell apart._

_Clary was slowly breaking into peaces. The kitchen was fading to black. The cries turned silent and only 3 words were heard from her apart-falling lips,_

_I love you_

* * *

This was a dream. This dream told what the future could have been.

Clary would have been the perfect mother. The perfect cook. The perfect wife. The perfect everything.

If she hadn't died.

He was just sitting on his bed playing the guitar when a his cellphone rang.

"Are you happy now? Why did you have to break her heart?! She's dead, you assh-"

"Who is this? Who is dead?" I asked freaked out but the familiar voice.

"Magnus. Clary is dead. Happy?" The call ended.

Jace was still holding his phone to his ear.

Happy?

Happy. Why would he be happy? He loved her. She was his angel.

He would do anything for her.

He slowly put his phone down, placed his guitar besides the bed, and stepped to the front door.

He didn't feel anything.

His love was dead.

He walked to his motorcycle. He took his helmet and sat down on the rough leather.

His love was dead.

He started it and went full speed to the nearest hospital he knew.

His love was dead.

Suddenly he heard a car screeching and lights flashing.

His love was dead

He remembered the one time this happened with Clary

* * *

_"Hold on tight! It's going to be a scary ride!" He told Clary teasingly while holding out a hand for her to help._

_"Stop it, Jace!" She said as she took his hand and sat behind him._

_"Jace, is your helmet safe?" _

_"Wow, first time someone asked me that. Normally they just say that they don't feel safe when I'm driving."_

_"I don't care who drives as long as I don't land in a hospital. Nor the driver does." She looked pointedly at him._

_"Relax. I have a licence and I have never been in an accident."_

_"Everything has a first time." She countered._

_"Okay, let's go!"_

_"Wait ,your helme-" He didn't let her finish the sentence. The engine roared and they took off._

_"Where are we going?" She asked while holding him tightly._

_"Not going to tell." He sped up and felt Clary's arms get tighter around his middle._

_"Jace? Stop, this is dangerous." She screamed at him, but he couldn't hear it above the sound of the wind._

_"What?" He turned his head around._

_"LOOK OUT!" She pointed in front of him._

_He turned his eyes back to the road and saw a upcoming car. _

_They say that when your in danger, everything moves in slow-motion._

_That's not true._

_It goes fast and without mercy._

_The lights flashed, the brakes screeched, the motorcycle went sideways, his helmet flew off his head, Clary held on tighter than ever, they got thrown of the motorcycle._

_He felt his arm bleeding, his leg hurting, and his vision was blurred._

_"Hold on, Jace!" He saw an angel with soft emerald eyes and red flaming hair. Red like the ever-burning fire of hope._

_"Stay close to me!" He knew she was also hurt. She didn't show it, her eyes only looked at him._

_She was the bringer of hope, the giver of hope and the saver of bravery._

_"The ambulance will be here in a second!" Her eyes filled with worry, kept him awake. _

_Never in his life would he forget those selfless emerald-green eyes, filled with worry, hope, love and kindness._

* * *

Once again he landed on the cold asphalt. But this time there were no eyes of an angel looking after him.

Once again he felt numb. He didn't hear the people around him asking if everything was alright.

Once again he realized that nothing was right.

His love was dead.

He searched for his motorcycle and saw it was good enough to get to the hospital.

He got on and rushed to the hospital despite his bleeding wounds.

He wanted to see his love. He wanted to see those beautiful eyes of his angel.

He arrived at the hospital and walked right in.

There he saw all the people he didn't want to see.

The broken brother, the absent-minded Alec, the aghast Magnus, the silent Simon, the infernal Isabella.

They turned to him and one by one he saw their expressions change.

From grieve to disgust. From pain to hate. From sad to angry. From expressionless to fierce. From hurt to guilt.

He didn't let them speak, he walked away to where he thought Clary would lay.

He saw her pale face and scarred body.

Scarred? He only noticed it now, never before.

Never before has he noticed that the eyes that filled with hope, care and love were also full of sadness, pain and sorrow.

Never before has he noticed that her flaming hair that resembled the fire of hope also resembled the fire of hell burning inside her?

Never before has he noticed that her frail body was covered in scars all along.

Was everything a lie or was he just to blind to see the truth.

He turned around and walked outside the room and once again he saw them.

The one that called them walked up to him.

"Here, I hope you're satisfied." He walked out with Alec closely behind.

"Sorry." He looked up and saw Isabella look at her lap. She stood up and also went outside.

Simon said nothing and just walked past him, looking at the ground.

He looked at the paper that was given to him.

_...I loved you but I was not more than 15 bucks to you_

_Something that's broken can't be repaired you're right..._

You weren't broken, you didn't need to be repaired.

I love you with my whole heart.

I turned the paper around and was shocked by what I saw.

It was a beautiful drawing covered in blood.

A girl was falling into the depths of the never-ending darkness.

Her dress was flying around her.

He looked more closely and saw some removed lines. They looked like chains. The chains that originally kept the girl from falling into the darkness were erased.

* * *

"_Jace, do you believe in destiny?" Clary asked him._

_He thought about it for some time._

_"Depends on the situation, I guess." _

_"How do you mean?"_

_"Destiny is just a theory, right? So we don't know if it's true, right? In my opinion it applies to certain moments, but not all of them."_

_"Example please..." She demanded cutely._

_"Well I believe that I have a destiny, but the rest in life is just luck."_

_"So you say meeting me is luck?" She pouted._

_"No, it was destiny that I met you, but luck that you have faith in me."_

_"Sometimes you can be so romantic."_

_"What's you view on destiny and luck?" He asked curiously._

_"I believe luck can be a curse of life. If you have 99 cases of bad luck but 1 case of good luck, you'll forget the bad luck and remember the good luck."_

_"What's wrong with remembering the good luck?" He asked confused_

_"Because good luck manipulates you in redoing the 99 cases of bad luck just so you can have the good one."_

_He turned silent from that. It held truth in it and intelligence._

_"And destiny?" He said after some silence._

_"Remember that one drawing of chains?" He nodded._

_"I believe that we are all chained down to destiny and there is no way we can liberate ourselves."_

* * *

Destiny is a scary word.

To some it is the synonym of 'what's to come', to others it's the antonym of hope.

The border between destiny ans luck is also very thin.

So thin that it falls apart with the slightest touch.

Luck can easily become a new light of hope, a new encounter, a new flame.

But it can also easily become a black hole of doubt, a new enemy or a smoldering fire.

Life is luck and luck is destiny.

Does that means that life is destiny?

_We are all chained down to our destiny and there is no way we can liberate ourselves_

_We are all chained down to our life and there is no way we can liberate ourselves_

* * *

**I'm terribly sorry from the more-than-a-year wait! I just didn't know what to do and I wrote this in a time I was depressed so I had inspiration, now I'm less depressed so less inspiration... Wow that's a bad excuse! BUT I'm happy I got to finish this story. I hope you all liked. I will correct the grammer in the old chapters for the next couple of days**

**Just to mention this:**

**More than the half of this story is based on my view on life in hard times and good times. **

**BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I APPROVE OF SUICIDE!**


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